*I recorded a whole podcast episode about this very topic: Online Perceptions vs. Real Life Navigating Misunderstandings In Visibility. You can listen to it on Unapologetically Visible on Apple podcasts. Listen here.
The more visible you become as a leader, the more you will be misunderstood.
When you grow a personal brand, especially as a woman of color, people don’t just see your curated posts, they project their own fears, insecurities, and assumptions onto you. Suddenly, your confidence is called arrogance. Your authority is called “snobby.” Your brilliance is called “too much.”
In a city like San Antonio, where I’ve built my business for the last ten years, this plays out in very specific ways. It’s a big city with small-town energy. Everyone thinks they “know you,” even if they’ve never had a 1:1 conversation with you or heard your story. Perceptions move faster than facts, and once a narrative starts, it spreads.
In the early days of my entrepreneurial career, the perceptions about my brand from others crushed me. I let whispers dictate how I showed up. I second-guessed my voice. I watered myself down for validation.
I used to think the hardest part about being visible was creating the content. But I learned the real cost of visibility. It wasn’t the algorithm. It was the projections. The way people who never had a 1:1 conversation with me felt entitled to narrate my story. I had women I’ve never spoken to (AND yes several closest colleagues) build entire opinions about me: who I was, what I charged, how I showed up. And for a while, I let it get to me. I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be validated.
There came a point in my career when I realized… I cannot spend my sacred energy defending myself to people who will never say it to my face. I had to let my work, my results, my clients, my impact speak for itself.
And that’s when everything shifted. The minute I stopped chasing validation and started owning my authority, I no longer felt the need to shrink to stay palatable.
The Parasocial Trap
We don’t talk enough about the rise of parasocial relationships. People scroll your feed, watch your stories, and create a whole narrative about who you are without ever actually knowing you. They fill in the blanks with their own insecurities. And when the real you doesn’t match the version they built in their head? They feel disoriented, even betrayed.
Parasocial relationships are a double-edged sword. They help us scale influence. But they also distort 1:1 connection.
This is why so many high-achieving women feel exhausted by showing up online. Because in the back of their minds, they’re already hearing the judgment: “She’s bragging. She’s fake. She thinks she’s better.”
People will make up stories about you no matter what you do. Your job isn’t to manage their stories. Your job is to own your voice.
What I Tell My Clients
When my clients bring this fear into our sessions :“What if people think I’m too much? What if they misunderstand me?” I don’t dismiss it. I coach them through it.
We start by asking: Whose voice is this really? Is it the teacher who told you to quiet down? The old boss who said you were intimidating? The peers who whispered you were “doing too much”?
Nine times out of ten, they realize they’ve been performing for ghosts. And once they release that? They can show up for the women who actually need their voice.
Because here’s the thing: you are not here to be everybody’s favorite. You are here to be somebody’s permission slip.
A Visibility Audit
Here’s a quick audit I give my clients, and I want to give it to you, too:
- Name the Projection: Write down the last story you told yourself about how others might judge you.
- Identify Whose Voice It Is: Where did that judgment originally come from?
- Ask What’s Actually True Now: What do you know about yourself today that makes that old story obsolete?
- Recalibrate Your Voice: Write a new statement you choose to stand in: “I am not here to be liked by everyone. I am here to serve the women who need my voice.”
- Choose One Brave Action: Take one visible step this week that honors your truth, not their projection.
Your Next Step
If this resonated with you, I recorded a whole podcast episode about this very topic: Online Perceptions vs. Real Life: Navigating Misunderstandings In Visibility. You can listen to it on Unapologetically Visible. Listen here.
And if you’re ready to go deeper to recalibrate your personal brand, leadership, and visibility, I’d love to walk with you. This is exactly the work I do in my 1:1 coaching. Learn more here
